It has been such a long long time since i blogged.... it's time for some blabbering to balanced up some emotions and thoughts now.

Recently i kept having the urge to blog. but time and again i didnt. have no idea why i am doing so now but...

its the last year in uni alr. last year living the life as a student. to be honest, i dont feel prepared to be out in the working world yet. i mean half of me seems ready to be a a real mature working adult, but the other half of me somehow refuse to grow up cos i think sometimes i am still a childish me.

this sem in sch has been quite a lone sem. i mean i seems to be gg for most classes alone, going to sch alone.. i have lotsa alone time in school. and sometimes as i walk pass the corridors of the university ground, i really wonder what i have done in that sch for my entire uni life.. is there anything that i can look back on. for a split second, the thought of i duno what i have been doing these few years suddenly occurred to me. weird it may seems cos i have indeed found some good friends throughout my stay here.. but somehow that feeling daunted upon me that one fine day. i think i will miss being a student but i dun really think i will really miss my uni life? i duno.. its just uncomparable to how i will miss (like i still do now) my jc days.

on top of this, i seem to be getting emotional or having mood swings quite easily recently too.. even if i conquer the eye, i will fail the nose. oh well.. still failed to hide well after all these effort.. seems futile no matter how i try.
i duno am i just having too much insecurity that i need such assurance or comfort. or am i just being over reliant. im beginning to dislike such a me. how did i ended up being these dependent. that i end up torturing myself and others. the present me is just setting up more explosive bombs, making myself too vulnerable to any slight issue. what should i do...? i hope im not losing myself...

and it really isnt a good feeling when what i perceive, what i thought, what i predict to make myself happy.. turns out not the same when the reality comes. giving myself hope and disappointing myself in the end just isnt really the best. but having said that, i think hope is really impt.. at least the days while i kept the hope, i enjoyed preparing everything and i do it will all my heart in it. and i guess, even if it was not what i expected to see, there is still some kinda effect.

and here comes a gp essay qn. technology is a double-edge sword. and i totally raise both hands to agree with this. technology kills human rs and builds it too. technology provide a avenue to take your mind off sth. but the part about technology killing rs is really a sad thing.

many a times, understanding is required.. sometimes i think i do, but sometimes i think i dont. or sometimes i just cant stop thinking in a certain way.

i duno if it is right to just keep quiet, and leave it. thou i think this is the option i will go for now cos i think it is probably the way to go. but i realised, its actually not that easy to swallow it down. i am so so glad for all the soft toys i have on my bed recently. i realised they actually do provide me with all the comfort i need when i just need a hug.

having said all these, at the end of the day, i know it will all be alright..
becos even thou some things didnt match now. deep down the foundations are strong, the faith is strong. and this will keep it all going strong.

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