` Wednesday, October 30, 2013 ♥
不管有再多的不甘愿，过去的时间，是不能从来的。。
剩下的，只是如何去释怀。。
我需要的，是安慰，是温暖。。
因为只有这样，我才能找回真正的笑容。。
我们到底怎么了？
我们也都累了。。
我真的好期待，雨后的彩虹。。。
但这道彩虹，到底几时才会降临呢？
即将成为23岁的我，也只不过如此而已。。
这颗心，太软弱了。
期待着每一天的到来，期待这一切快点过去，期待着曾经的幸福。。
你。。。也跟我一样吗？
剩下的，只是如何去释怀。。
我需要的，是安慰，是温暖。。
因为只有这样，我才能找回真正的笑容。。
我们到底怎么了？
我们也都累了。。
我真的好期待，雨后的彩虹。。。
但这道彩虹，到底几时才会降临呢？
即将成为23岁的我，也只不过如此而已。。
这颗心，太软弱了。
期待着每一天的到来，期待这一切快点过去，期待着曾经的幸福。。
你。。。也跟我一样吗？
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
` ♥
"期待，往往带来的是伤害..."
a quote which caught my attention today...
didnt know i would be experiencing it so soon..
a quote which caught my attention today...
didnt know i would be experiencing it so soon..
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
` Monday, October 14, 2013 ♥
a few hours ago i wanted to blog but i fell aslp. at that moment, i thought that i should blog about a happy moment. like finally an up moment after 2 weeks of down. i was really comfortable and glad that i got my hugs as comfort. yes i cried but it was a mixed feeling. i cried cos finally i dont feel so left alone anymore. finally i didnt feel ignore. finally i felt that hey i m still the important one who u will feel heartpain seeing my tears. finally... i felt assured. the feeling that i longed for came back. at that very moment all the tears and heartache for the past 2 weeks dissolves.
sad to say, that moment of up was short lived. very soon after, i m kicked all the way down into the bottom again. my roller coaster ride was too crazy. i 'm again in a desperately situation where i frantically grab my stuff toys so that i could get some comfort as i sob hard. its so painful.
im supposed to be doing my tutorial now cos i just realised during dinner that tues is a ph and i have to hand it in tmr. but now.. im all soaked up in tears with tummy discomfort that i duno how am i gg to do my tutorial.
im at a loss.
why isit that words can be so hurtful. why isit that i just cant stop..
sad to say, that moment of up was short lived. very soon after, i m kicked all the way down into the bottom again. my roller coaster ride was too crazy. i 'm again in a desperately situation where i frantically grab my stuff toys so that i could get some comfort as i sob hard. its so painful.
im supposed to be doing my tutorial now cos i just realised during dinner that tues is a ph and i have to hand it in tmr. but now.. im all soaked up in tears with tummy discomfort that i duno how am i gg to do my tutorial.
im at a loss.
why isit that words can be so hurtful. why isit that i just cant stop..
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
` Saturday, October 12, 2013 ♥
After yesterday walking therapy, and a good deal of letting it all out before headache sets in and forces me to shower and to bed, i thought today will be better.
and when i got up today.. i thought i was better too? cos no more urge. just more calm. but i was wrong when late night sets in... emotions get manifested for some unknown reasons.. and there i am, being such a weakling again. amongst all my comforting toys. the only way for me to get the comfort and reassurance i need.
cos i was feeling all emo again, i suddenly picked up the book [men are from mars, women are from venus] which i bought some time back. didnt read finish cos oh well not a avid reader. but then i think its really worth the time to read it someday. i only briefly flip true it. and it somehow is quite reflective. now i am kinda in the chapter 3 situation thou not exactly. caves. how apt it is being described.
and the words thoughts that were mentioned are kinda correct for some too. prob it would be good to be read tog when all is fine.
to be honest im fearful. im scared. im afraid. i cannot imagine what is going to happen later. contradicting it might be that i wanna see but im really scared. how pathetic i am. so much emotions i know i will feel, so much things that i would probably wanna say. but no.. needa consciously remind myself no. must hold on. must suppress it. even if theres indignant, its not worth showing. end up making it difficult for myself only.
i am strong. no matter what i can take it. let this self-psycho start to take its effect once again.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
` Wednesday, October 9, 2013 ♥
after that 1... seems to have felt better...
comforted. but as time passes, the same feeling will start to grow again.
the sad thing is to actually realised that i dared not even do such a simple action..
i thought im getting better. but i was wrong. its just that i stopped thinking. but the moment i do, it all stays the same. im still the same old me.
anxiety.
crossing my fingers that i can hold it there. hopefully i wont disappoint myself yet again.
comforted. but as time passes, the same feeling will start to grow again.
the sad thing is to actually realised that i dared not even do such a simple action..
i thought im getting better. but i was wrong. its just that i stopped thinking. but the moment i do, it all stays the same. im still the same old me.
anxiety.
crossing my fingers that i can hold it there. hopefully i wont disappoint myself yet again.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
` Wednesday, October 2, 2013 ♥
In the process of learning..
yeaaa.. even though i know, my heart cant accepts, and so i react to it emotionally.
lost the motivation to do any work as i seek refuge in other means.
experienced a foolish moment of heart race to be slapped with reality. At that instant, i succumbed to the harsh truth.
I will wait. or rather, i can only wait. wait for the better. wait for some warmth. wait for some comfort.
painful disappointment is awakening to none.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
