What a great news to welcome me into the year of the horse.. As much as I wanna take a step at a time, I can't. To add on to all the sian things, it had to be another one.. There is alr no positive things I can find to comfort myself no matter how hard I try.. And yet there has to be another sian thing.. I really hope this comes to an end soon.. 

i was moody today and i selfishly showed it to u and was being hard to handle.. sorry..

i was keeping the last month letter form you to me.. and suddenly had the urge to look at afew of the past letters i have received..

and then this newspaper article caught my eye.. together with afew other letters.. and so.. it was actually during the days i was away on my first trip with friends..

although that was already 3 years ago... and now things are going fine and well.. but every letter that i read cause some tears to fall off uncontrollably. on one hand i m regretful for what i did.. i think no matter how long this has pass, it will remain as a hurtful memory for us.. i m still really upset with myself for hurting you.. as i read, i sense the pain.. and i tear recalling the pain u went through.. but on the other hand, i am really touched and thankful to have found u. to have found someone who is so devoted and stand by me regardless of situation. im again reminded of how much i meant to u.. even though now u may not say those sweet nothings much, i still know where i stand..

i love you<3 nbsp="" p="">

This blog has been a little pillar of support for me.. it is the most loyal buddy of mine through good and bad times.. and in recent years, it has been always here for me when i need to rant all my sorrows.

the past posts have been really down and low.. nothing positive at all.. so this shall be a neutral and happier one..

2013 had been an eventful one.. a really fast one too.. been through a fair share of ups and downs. gain really good group of friends through cca which i know i wont be able to find group like them again. went through a really busy and fulfilling first half of the year mainly for cca. in the midst of it everything else was still alright i think? a nice 5th anniv spent, then came holidays and trip to vietnam which was mediocre?

time flew by and i went for practicum.. tired, worn out.. but still kept gg and i was still happy.. things started to change when the sem started.. and it was a bad sem to begin with.. things screwed up.. and i screwed up. and i had many heartaching moments that i spent on bed with my toys.. but still days and weeks and months went pass.. life goes on.. and yup.. things was going slow till it hongkong trip came eventually.. stepped on this journey with a little... hmm concern? or uncertainty..? but well things worked out well and it got better thankfully and made me really happy on this trip.. thou we got tired at times.. and maybe there were moments which i wasnt at my best.. apologise for that..  not sure if the feeling is mutual.. i really enjoyed it alot and miss the 8 days spent together.. regardless of what was done and seen.. and my withdrawal symptoms are the most evident of how i truly miss this all. exploring and discovering tog is one of the best thing to do! thou i think i screwed up a little towards the end.. but oh well.. looking forward to our next trip together.. thou i know we dont have the money and time in the near future... but even a short one or even a staycation locally would suffice.

it brought 2013 to an end.. thankfully in a happier note..

somehow i have trouble adjusting back to reality.. no joke.. its true.. i duno isit because im not tt looking forward to 2014?

2014 is gonna be a year filled with changes.. and i m afraid of them..

moving house is one.. i really dread it.. cos of the location.. totally sian ttm.. what to do? i cant get over it even till now..  its a very strong feeling deep within.. and i dont know what can i do to overcome this.. cos all im doing now is running away from it.. as it gets closer.. i think im subconsciously or consciously feeling vexed over it.. or upset.. or i duno. just negative feelings.. haix.. this is perhaps one big reason i get cranky and wants time to stay..

next im gonna end my student life v soon.. in less than 2 months... im gonna grad this year, step into the workforce.. its a mixed feeling of excitedness, sianness.. although it may sound v superficial, but the most strong motivation is earning money when i work.. and then save up to buy house and car and to travel.... not tt i dont care about the well being of students but seriously, the pay is impt.. i wonder how my life is gonna change with working.. i do hope it wont be tt drastic.. or at least sth tt i can cope with and will be happy with..

i dont want how is everything gonna be this year.. but i hope it will be a decent year.. i dont ask for a totally smooth sailing year cos i think thats not that easy.. at least let smiles > tears.


its only the 2nd day of the new year... but im already having an internal struggle.. haiz.. really need some sayang.. not kidding..

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