as i step foot onto vivo city today.. i really felt super painful...
i was glad that they were ready to move off to another place alr..

i could sense that i wasnt in the mood for all these.. but i still did it.. the normal me already isnt very initiative into talking with ppl.. and today i just wanted to not talk.. but bonding means i cant do that. i had to still interact.. and so i did..  thou less than usual.. but well i did.. i smiled when i had to. so i guess i still managed..

towards the end, my heart was thumping fast... i was thinking.. where are you? will you come and look for me? will i get to see u today? will i get to talk to u, spend some time with you? or shld i just go off somewhere and wander alone tonight? i was nervous. i was scared. i was afraid that im gonna leave to marina sq, in tears..

but honey, thank you so so much.. thank you so much for walking up to me.. thank you so much for even thinking that my tummy isnt well and thought of having porridge for dinner. despite all that u have said the other time, u still came for me.. u still accompanied me for dinner.. u still sent me home..  u still did everything that i was hoping for.. but i hope u did all these really willingly.. and without any stress/pressure.. honestly, im really happy for all these.. these all comforted me... it tells me that my honey still thinks of me.. in your heart, i am still important. even though u still didnt talk alot to me, u are here for me..

today u look tired.. and today, u slpt on the train.. i really wanted to lean on your shoulder.. i really did.. but i had to stop myself from doing that.. instead, i watched you as u doze off.. as u involuntarily lean towards me at times.. and i was happy.. in my heart, i hope u will just lean on me.. being able to just watch u at such close proximity dozing off gave me some comfort. a little contact at the shoulder too... when i wake u up, when i pulled u to the axs machine.. thou it was just a split second, but i was happy i could grab ur arm..

the closeness on the lrt also gave me some comfort... just cos its crowded, using this excuse, i stood nearer to u.. just inches away from your shoulder.. honey... all these little little things.. meant so much to me.

honey, thank you for today.. maybe its nth much.. but i love you. for everything that you did today.. thank you. u probably cannot imagine, how all these can comfort me, and give me strength for the next few days, till i see u again on thurs.

and when i suggested to go find the bedok ice cream next time, u said ok... i was happy too.. hugs.. really hugs..

u shld know, im not having the slightest bit of letting u go.. nor am i moving on in any way.. i think u also know that the fact that im still surviving now, is really cos ure really still in my life.. ure really still here for me.. thats the sole reason why i can even eat n slp.. thou i still isnt in a good condition cos im just perpetually upset. im just getting on with life, with you still in my life. and to me, ure still my bf... thou i duno how u will take this as time passes.. but.. let us overcome this huge huge hurdle.. and come together even stronger.. my only thought in my mind now.. thou u prob arent thinking of anything now.. deep down somewhere, hopefully subconsciously thats what u think too.. u once mentioned, the fact that ure still doing all these now, it shows sth.. and i believe in that. i believe in u, i believe in us.

i duno how u feel when ure with me now.. but i hope by not touching u that much, u are more comfortable.. and hopefully, soon in time to come, u will share more with me.. and smile to me.. and naturally wanna hold me..

after i start getting pay.. i hope i can start saving a certain amt of money for us.. thou i duno what we will be like when u start working, but i kinda hope that we can maybe save $5 each every wk into a piggy bank or sth.. then that will be our money where we can use in the future to do/buy things tog...

previously i had the thought of opening a joint acct with u when we grad and we do the same too, but more cos my intention was to save for our house or things like that.. but now i think that is too much to think of.. so i changed to a piggy bank idea.. i hope we will still be going out then.. so that piggy bank could be sth for us when we go out for food or other activities...

but this is just a thought now.. i cant force u to do so.. the only thing i can do is to start this by myself first.. for u, i will..

with lots and lotsa love. hugs.

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