if there is sth that i can be appreciative for in sch, i guess its really that i have really nice and caring cts. even my ex-ct came and ask me to takecare and eat more. practicum is nv easy.. but when i got started i was confident enough to get through it. like really.. i know ure confident of me too. it got tough, cos of this. really. i dont blame you. but i just hope u are sticking around not cos ure afraid i will flunk my pract. i hope u will always be around even after i get over this pract. not sure if i said this before, my convo is in july. and im really happy u say that u will still be there. i hope that u will be there as my bf really. as in i hope that will be what u feel. and what u think. cos honestly, i have never stop regarding you as my bf.

for the first time, i went home so early on a friday. i literally left within 10 mins after the official leaving time.. not sth that i would do usually i guess?

i just wanted a breather. i wanted to go tamp just to walk about abit.. even if its aimlessly.
but then i didnt cos there will be too many students around. with my heavy bag, i still went home instead.. just a slow walk home.. and it was therapeutic in a certain way.

i guess if it was a normal day, i would be normally back at home, doing my work or just resting. today just felt aimless. wanna go out for a walk, but duno where to go. this is the first friday.. how will my other fridays be?

remember i said that i would like to go to batam for just 1/2 nights with u in june or in august..? looks like its not possible... honestly, going overseas with u again... when will that even happen? but then again, thats not what im looking at now even. thats totally a luxury. now all im looking for is to be able to hold u. just that simple action.

though u said u dont want me to give u anymore gifts, just like now u dont even wanna accept my 20th letter.. or rather not read it... hmm.. i m quite sure i will still be writing them. but then, i m not gg to write any things u dont wanna see... duno if i shld be giving them to u, or i shld be keeping them.
but yea, i still hope to do sth for u... i can go all out shop for just a small detail for sth tt i wanna do for u... for that i will and can go out alone and look for things. and now, i kinda need sth to give me tt motivation to go out alone sometimes. let me have sth to do to keep my mind on sth. but it doesnt seem right for me to make a gift for u now... cos i shld be making a gift for u happily.. not cos i wanna take my mind off the unhappiness. i want to really make sth for u... theres so many things i still wanted and havent done for u.. one day, one day i will do it.. and these things, are things that i have planned to do for you before all these already.. i will wait till a suitable time to do the suitable thing..

as i was wondering of going somewhere to walk.. i thought of marina sq.. the kiap toy machines holds many memories. then i thought of sth that was in my mind since a long time. rmb i ever mentioned before, one day we should combine all the toys tt we kiaped tog and take a picture. actually when i said that, i was imagining us getting a real big display shelf in our house, and in one of the rooms, we will place them there. the image feel so warm. thats what i imagine one part of our house to be like. and whenever i think about "our house" now, a part of me just feel really sad and broken. im glad that u actually thought of it.. u research it.. but it really hurts that u said u cant do it. u cant ask me to bto. honey... its too far fetched for me to think of this now... but even till now, im waiting for the day u will say, shall we go for a bto? or shall we get a house of our own?

today one of the other trainee said.. this wkend hes gonna go dating.. havent seen his gf for 2 wks alr. i was never envious of that. but today, i am.

i wanna proudly call u my bf. a bf who would acknowledge me as his gf. im still proud of u as my bf. as i have always been. thou i duno if i still can call u mine.

guess blogging has became my favourite past time. but nowadays, when i blog it means its not good. so.. i hope i can stop bloggin soon.. :)

i know some things i do, is not of any difference as compared to when its official. i still do alot of things like the past. i still text u alot.. on everything. just tt i purposely avoid hearts. so i try to replace them with other stuff. when i think of gg to eat sth, trying sth new, ure still the first person i think of. or rather ure the only person i think of. thank you for being here in this way as well. thou im still not independent in this sense, but then trust me, if we get back together, i will be more independent than i am now. cos i will always have u to fall back on.

you know i just change the wallet to what u bought for me. and i enjoy carrying it around cos its what u bought for me. i dont bear to use it so i kept till now.. n now when im using it, i know it will wear and tear... when it wallet wear and tear.. will u still be here with me.. maybe get me a new wallet? what i want is obviously not a new wallet or what... but just for you to be here...
everything in my life is about u.. reminds me about u.. honey..

as im hugging my snoopy, im touching it or like stroking it abit... and i got reminded about how u will hug me from behind when i lie on your bed sometimes. u will put your fingers on my arm or head or face.. and stroke it a little too.. those tender loving care from you... i miss them so much honey... i miss you..

oh well, things will only get better right? we will get better right? in time to come, we will both smile at each other... and u will happily put ur arms around me, or pick up my hand right?

yes.. we will. i know its my wishful thinking now.. but yes we will.. someday, somehow, honey will be back with babyhoney. someday we will. my love for you will bring me through this.. and please just let me believe that your love for me will also bring you through this, and bring u back to me.

sorry, im still very selfish right? i still want you back. i dont even know if u still want me back anymore. but i just assume u do.. i just assume deep down in your heart u still yearn for me.. i just assume that actually my honey is missing me too. i just assume... i hope im not deceiving myself.. i hope one day i will know for sure, its true.. i just wanna be your girl again... im yours.. but still waiting for your acceptance..

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