I can't believe what just happened. Last night was a terrible experience. The fear is immense. I had the same feeling I had in sec3. i cant believe it was on the exact same period. i rmb clearly when i was in sec3, it was also on the sat of mar hols. that night where i hoped that all i heard was just a dream. and tmr when i wake up it will be ok.

the same thing happened again last night. i hope so hard tt i can wake up and then its a bad dream. i did not receive that heart shattering msg. but no. no. so i could only hope for a reply. i had a bad night. i kept waking up. time seems to pass so slowly. but i refuse to get up cos i was hoping so hard tt when i open my eyes i would see your name poppin up on my phone.

well it did, thankfully. though it really hurts like crazy. the truth is killing me. ever since that msg last night.. i can totally feel my heart in great pain. even if i try hard not to cry. i feel suffocated all the time. today is probably one of the worst day of my life. i only hope that it will get better. i cant handle anything worse than this. i will breakdown totally.

that sense of assurance and security i need it so bad. but somehow i think u cant give me now. cos u lost faith in me since then. but, what shld i do now? what can i do now to gain back your trust? why? why? why isit that when i try to amend for my mistakes in the past, when i set my mind on never making that mistake anymore, that this happens?

Im so afraid that the future i have been envisioning for years will just be gone...

i know this is gonna take some time. but please please, let it get better slowly. please please, let me see that smile again. please please, don't leave me alone.

i can adapt to every other change. but i cant accept this.

2014, u have been really cruel to me. please dont take away my only comfort. please dont take away what means the most to me. please dont take away my life n heart.

i pray hard that i will really see the rainbow after the rain. i will brave through all the storms just for the rainbow.

im shattered. u have been shattered. will u allow me to piece it back together for u? only in this way, can i slowly piece my own back.

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