last night i cried alot.. but you were there to pull me into your arms.. wipe dry my tears. you are special cos you didnt abandon me even though you are capable of doing so. thou it doesnt mean you arent hurting.. im quite sure u are hurting alot when u hurt me. those tears in your eyes.. i saw and felt them.
the extent that u are willing to do and go for me now, shows how much i means to you too. im grateful and thankful. your willingness to say those words to me before slping touched me.. and when u say u dont need to hear from me when u know how i feel touched me even more.
after last night and this morning, i have attempted to calm myself down. I guess im calmer now. thou i can still feel that hurt which im quite certain will be here till things get better. im also trying to be positive. although many things u said brings me alot of hurt and fear, some things that u say also makes gave me some comfort. i kept asking for the effort and for u to try, i guess i dont have to do it anymore. not because i m giving up.. its because needless for me to say, u are already trying.
im going to trust u. trust that u mean what u say, trust that u no matter what position ure in, u wont abandon me.. so in a sense, u will never leave me.
im also going to continue believing in my faith. believing that it will eventually turn out well..
This lyrics, probably is what im living by now.
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
I think this is definitely one major event.. i think somehow i m even gonna change my way of life or outlook to a certain extent.. in a way maybe a realisation.. in a way maybe doing sth that is actually better for me.. regardless of the ending, some things will change right from now.. i think what suits me the most, is not to have many friends. quality over quantity anytime. dont see the need to do alot of things now. having a smaller social circle, being less active, seems to suit me more. in a way, i think its a change. for the better. this is not on impulse, this is the true me, the calm me.
now that im graduating and starting out my career as a teacher, my plans of saving up for a house will still continue, if i get tt chance to use it. if not, maybe just more for daily use when i grow old. i ever did think of how in the world can ppl find someone else especially in the teaching force? unless u have other social circles or maybe church etc. so i was so thankfully i dont need to worry about this. oh well, hopefully i will eventually not need to worry about this too.
if theres many things u dont wish to hear now, i will stop saying for i think that will relieve u of some pressure.. and relieving u of pressure is probably gonna do us good for sure. so my dear blog, at this point in time, be my real listening ear when there are things i cant say to my honey. this avenue is probably the other way out for me when there r things regarding this now.. cos at this pt in time, although we are supposed to be honest with each other, some things tt u dont wanna hear wont be heard. but every other thing, im quite sure to turn to u.
during this time, the pictures, the toys, the key holder, the wallet will all accompany me through. of cos, thankfully, theres still u. thankfully, u will never disappear from my life.
if theres ever a chance for us to promise each other again, never ever will it be ever broken. at least for my part.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
