some posts are just not meant to to published. gota revert back to the past now.

the days before this, i was hopeful. i thought that im can handle at least the my work or sth.. until now..

i woke up today, feeling even more broken.. im scared i will fail everyone, im scared that i will fail myself.. can i even work now? i dont feel like staying at home even.. u said ure running... n now, i really feel like running away from everyone..
suddenly, i dont know how to face my family normally anymore.

我快要崩溃了。心又痛了。更加痛了。
我不知道该如何面对每个人，包括我自己。
我的痛，你说你了解，因为你和我一样的痛。
你要我尊重你的决定，但我却没办法决定一切。
世界是不公平的。需要双方的同意才能在一起，胆子要一个人想放弃，就必须成全。
你好残忍 ，你带给我最大的快乐，你也带给我抹不去的悲痛。

或许你将会真的离开我，我的心也会随着你的离开，而死去。
we are both an extremist sometimes, we are both really serious people too.

i think u need me.. but now u just need to leave me more than u need me.

i need u. if i lose u, the only thing tt i wanna do is to do nth at all.
this is really a very bad timing.. practicum is so important to me in my life cos it really affects my whole career, am there is a freaking bond and huge sum of money involve here. and u chose to really leave me now.. seriously... knowing that i cant cope with it all..

im sure u care for me more than i can ever imagine.  the same way, i really need u more than u can ever imagine. i can do many things when i have you by me.. i cant do many things when i lose u. my basics is life shldnt be neglected i know.. my rational mind tells me no matter what shit happens i needa eat slp do work.. but im not a robot.. i have a heart... to be honest i cant really eat.. cant really work.. all i wanna do is slp all day sometimes.

u know u are hurting me badly... u know u are hurting urself badly.. i know because of this im also hurting you and myself.
what the hell are we doing? hurting the one we most treasure?

never change yourself to make someone happy unless the someone is you.
for all the change im willing to make, its not just to make u happy, it is also to make myself happy.
to be honest, besides doing all these now, theres nth else i can do to make myself feel any better.
this aside, i dont need you to change yourself and give in to me just so as to make me happy. make me happy in your own capacity. trust me. u can do it. cos u have been always doing it.

i love children. i wanna have a child with u.. because that child will be what is made of our love.
after seeing people happily with their child, i wanted to quickly have one with u.. so was waiting for ur graduation. but now?
well.. now.. even though u wanna leave me.. this crazy woman here still wants to have your child. i must be out of my mind. no one girl in the right state of mind will wanna have a child with someone tt wanna leave her. but i still do. thats how much, thats really how much i love you. so that if u cant be here to accompany me.. at least, our child can.
if i cant wish for u to stay by me.. my wish is to have ur child.
but seems like neither wish will be granted. and thats when, i just collapse.

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