staying home.. will always make me wanna type on this avenue from time to time i guess?

duno why am i thinking of this suddenly... as i have mentioned.. im gg to grad soon.. i think i might take a family photo..? i dunno.. but will you come with me to the studio.. and take a picture with me too? a picture.. with just the two of us?

im waiting for you to grad next year.. and also take such a graduation photo together with you.. is that possible?

remember i said maybe one day we can go take our own photo shoot at some park?

honey everything that was said, everything is haunting me like crazy..

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after ur exams, can we go out on a date?? wanna doll up for u.. n become that girl in your eyes.

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what do u think of me now? is spending time with me a torture to u? do u wanna spend time with me still?

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if tmr was a normal bonding.. i probably wouldnt turn up.. no mood for such things. seriously.. but tmr i have to go, not only its an obligation, but its my only chance of seeing u.. even thou i know i m gonna get hurt again when i see u smiling at ur friends, joking with them. but at least i get to see u.. and get that small chance of having dinner with u.. or just spend alone time with u on train.

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theres actually plans to go australia with jy/wn at the end of this year... but unfortunately i dont have any mood for that even. i just hope that things btw us will improve soon.. like slowly.. u can talk more to me.. u can slowly feel more comfortable with me.. smile to me..

if things dont get better btw us, i duno what im gonna do with my life.

even though my life doesnt only revolve around u, but it seems tt my life cant even move without u.

honey, im not gonna give up on u.. pls dont give up on me..

tell me, tell me that one day u will come back to me.. u will hug me from the back... and tell me, "i love you and i will never let you go"

i know u know how much u mean to me. i know u know how much i want u back. i know u know how much i love u, how much im willing to give u everything n spend the rest of my life with u. i hope u will also know that, i wont ever be unfaithful to u.. from day 1, i didnt stop loving u. in fact i love u more.

with you knowing all these, u still chose to let go for now.. so these wont bring u back to me now.. but will it eventually bring u back to me?

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the last time it was 2-3 months before we got back..

this time? is 2-3 months possible?

honey.... as u hurt your own heart and hurt mine, i think ure still trying to protect parts of my heart. please continue to protect me.. if 2-3 months is not possible, please let it improve at least.. and give me a hug.. u probably dont know how powerful your hug can be to me.

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seriously why is everywhere talking about pregnant n child.. watch spouse for house also.. now ahma watching the channel 8 show also..

everything around me.. just brings me sadness.. honey... be my comfort again.. i miss your touch.. i miss your body warmth.. the warmth that warms my heart.. no matter how tired i am from anything, u can make me smile.. u can cheer me up, u can just let me be myself.. u can take away all my tiredness with just a warm hug..

honey, now the sad thing is, can my hug, also have the same effect on u? can i be the one supporting u..?

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theres so many food places i wanna go with u too.. honey.. come with me please.. but some of them i dont dare to ask now cos i wanna go with u when ure happy.. or at least when things are better... but the dilemma is.. i duno if maybe after exams going to these places will make things better? i duno.. i will ask when the time comes again..

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come to think of it.. ur house reno toilet is in oct.. u still said u will let me know about it.. i duno but i think thats a little bit of comfort still..

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honey, im trying very hard to eat now.. and i am eating now.. yes abit.. not my usual appetite.. but im trying.. for u for me for us.. i needa take care of myself before i can take care of you.. i know ure gonna say u dont need me to take care of u, u can do it yourself.. but.. i still wanna care for u..

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请不要辜负我对你的心。i dont know how can i be not selfish sometimes. when i want u so dearly. honey, dont blame me.. i want u to be happy.. but i hope u will be happy with me.

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i know u still have a soft spot for me.. i think this soft spot for me will be there forever.. i just trust that... cos i think this is just you..

u can be in pain.. but u will somehow cope with it... u can eventually do without me... honey.. my dear honey.. because of this, i cant not be scared.. because of this.. im really scared..

u dont wanna see me cry..  but can u feel my tears inside?

did i tell u before, when im very stress, very upset, very vexed, i will wanna take a stack of paper and scribble very hard on it till the paper all tears? sounds like a psychotic right? i havent did that in the longest time.. but ytd.. i wanted to do it again.. today.. i wanna cry out loud. but all of this, all of this... can only be swallowed down.. crying inside..
this is probably how u have been feeling, swallowing, and crying inside..

can i be the love of your life? till forever?

waiting for the day, you will promise me sth again.

:'(

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