ytd was eventful. ytd was one day i wailed and cried like nobody's business. i just couldnt accept it. i so so wanted the results to be positive. even up till now i still hope for that but its not possible anymore. all i can hope is for one day in the future, it may be possible. i was in the lift just now when there was a little boy. many its not possible now.. but in the future. i hope one day u will come to me and say.. im ready.. im ready to have a family with u.. and i really want so.

to be honest, it really still hurts alot. i shld say it hurt nv became any less. but then when u say "i'm here." it matters such a great deal to me.. for now, i guess thats the best u can say to me. thou its still not a promise. i really hope one day u can promise me that u will always be here.

actually sometimes all i want is a comfort hug. really thats all. even if throughout the day theres no physical contact at all. but really one true comfort hug.. without any form of stress will give me really alot of comfort. but 不管我多想要，不管现在有多痛苦，我都要忍耐。i know that the only way for u to come back to me is when u no longer feel stress when i touch u. no matter how long it takes, i will try my best to make that happen. i hope u will too. i guess u are in some way or another doing this.

不要讨厌我，我要后悔爱上我。i really hope that u will tell me that sentence is not true. really. cos i m really v hurt by it. but then i trust that actually u dont mean it that way. i trust that u still treasure all the times together with me. 我希望你会永远爱着我。我一定会永远爱着你。

in recent years i m always ard 40kg. but now im actually below 38kg. thou i dont really feel so nausea anymore (perhaps the med helped) but then i still do when i smell food.. thats why i have really no appetite still.. but now im at home at suppose to have dinner. luckily its porridge but it has a very strong smell i have no idea how to eat that without puking. i hope i can escape by just eating a few mouths. hmm i hope that u are gaining back your weight thou. i really hope that you are at least 50kg now. it hurts me to see that ure losing weight. i guess similarly when u know i cant eat u also feel the same for me. give me some time my dear honey. give me sometime.. hopefully when i start to meet u for meals i can slowly improve my appetite.

for the past 2 nights, i have been wearing your jacket to bed. just because it gives me the warmth to my heart. i can smell you. it just calms me down. if i cant hold u... sometimes just let me get close to u can? let me be able to smell that familiar and comfort smell. just that. just that will do for now.

i have no idea how long this will last. i know u dont have any idea too. i hope it wouldnt last that long until many years later. i hope that u will soon tell me its all ok now. thou i know it cant be really that soon. but yea.. at least i know u actually havent really gave me up.. actually somehow or rather i guess u are still very open to the idea of being back with me in the future. to be honest, im glad that u said that im the one who knows u best.. and maybe there is just no one out there who will know u more. im also glad u mentioned that so far, im still the only girl u met that u think can match u. not because ure attached to me so u said that. but yea.. im glad. cos honestly, i feel the same too. u definitely know me the best. and so far ure the only one that i love and thinks can match me.

i... will always love you, my one and only honey. Hugs..

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