a start of a new week again.. today has been a long long day.. time passes slow cos its long with many things going on but then just had to basically stand around and do nth.. but time also passes quickly cos didnt have the time to do work...

today is a slightly better day i suppose? probably cos theres work to do and had to be done.. so no choice.. i guess ytd did help in a certain way.. somehow, ytd really provided me quite abit of comfort..

so i was able to eat today.. but cant eat much at a go.. like rice half untouched.. noodles half untouched.. but at least in btw i could still slot in some biscuits and a cheng ting. so maybe for now, less intake per meal. but can have some snacks in btw... im satisfied with this progress alr..

although today was generally a slightly better day.. but i just still cant run away from the heartache at some instances. there will just be some times... randomly there will be a number of times where i will feel that heaviness, that sadness.. everyday without fail, it will come as and when it likes.. sometimes i will recall that very first msg bomb.. then i will be so emo agn.. today piano's piece also sounded sad for some reason... so when i was playing the song i was actually feeling emo too.. when i get reminded that something is different now, i feel really sad.. though like u said, we are in quite a complicated and unique situation now.. cant even put a word or explain this.. its different, but yet not that different. honestly, im glad that we dont fall into the usual way others fall into.. this complicated situation helps me to survive.. helps me to cope with everything. i need our msges to go on, i need u to be ard.. that i really need.. this sadness probably wont go away, till the day u tell me u want me back..

to me, i dont treat u any different in my heart.. it never did change regardless of what u have said.. or the situation now.. physically the change was made cos u wanted it.. but inside, nth changed.. obviously for you, the physical part u changed maybe cos u felt it had to be this way.. but inside, inside u, are u like me too? actually nth really changed? u still treat me the same way as what u did right? and the many things u r doing now, is still willingly done for me right..? my heart tells me that u are.. so i believe u r really ok with all these.. i hope im right.. and cos of this, im again comforted..

i hope things are getting better for u.. cos i think when it gets better for u, it means it will get better for us, which will in turn means it will be better for me too.. ur feelings have a direct impact on me..

holding on tightly to what i have now... your heart, i think i have never lost it.. every thing else, just hope it will fall into place soon..

as i wait patiently for my positive outcome... im just glad, that you are the one i choose to love.. and now, the one that i just love.. beyond my own control..

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