finally finish preparing for last obs..

but as i was preparing, i was watching tv too...
and omg.. i tear terribly as i was drawing on my cutouts.. with my ahma in the same room as me.. mastering the art of tearing in absolute silent.. and looking like i never teared..

the 9 pm show.. did u watch? the scene where they had lunch together and the guy gave the girl flowers cos its their anniv...? everything that the guy said to the girl.. omg as i hear each and every word i just felt so so sad... i really really hope that u will say all that to me soon... our anniv is coming in 1mth plus time.. though i have already told u my plans.. and u will be willing to spend that day with me.. but i know i cant expect anything from u.. will i get flowers from u? will i get a warmest hug and the most loving kiss from u? its quite hard right? i dont think u will even say happy 20th to me:'( the most u will just let me hug u right? honey.. my honey.. 20th may.. its means alot to me.. i dont need flowers.. but i really hope that u will tell me that u wanna spend every 20th may with me.. spend our 20th anniv, 30th anniv together with me... im sure 20th may is still of much significance to u.. please honey, let that night be a memorable night for us still.. and then realise, that actually u really do want me.

honey, many atimes, u tell me.. "see how again". i know thats quite a norm. cos u dont know what will happen so u say that.. so honey, thou i feel disappointed sometimes.. im gonna take it as its normal.. but u know when u say, "when we got time then we try".. im actually happy.. its seems like u r willing to accompany me and try.. yes... simple things like this.. comforts me..

but i know that ure deliberately draggin your reply to me.. 2.5hrs.. normally u wont do this right.. but then.. at least u will reply me still.. whenever u get home.. before u slp.. when u wake up.. just hope that slowly we will get better both in text n in real life.. i hope u r getting better.. i hope that this time off is a good thing for us as it will enable us to know how much we meant to each other.. for us to know how much we actually want each other.. and for us to both grow in this r/s.. such that we can build a even stronger r/s, such that we can move on into the next phase of life, to get settled down and start a family.. i really wanna get married and have a child before 30.. best was 26 married, 28 child. but now, even if cant, at least i wanna be in a serious committed r/s with u..

honey, trust me, i will only wanna get married to someone who i love, who i know loves me, who im really happy with, who i simply just enjoy his company, someone who i can share good and bad stuff with, someone who i trust, someone who im willing to go through thick and thin with.. and ure that someone for me.. and i already feel this way since a very long time ago. i was ready to say yes to u long time ago. honey.. dont disappoint me and hurt me this way. honey, please.

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