Honey,
today is just a very tiring monday.. extra blue..
u know u keep telling me i dont need to do all this.. give u welfare pack and all.. but i really hope u understand that i m really doing this cos thats what i will do for u cos i still treat u as my bf. i will do this cos i wanna show my support to u.. yes i know that without all these u still know that i m truly concern for u, truly giving u all my support. i believe its the same as how u know that i truly love u without needing me to say 'i love you' to you. but really dont reject my kindness, my care for u.. i want to be able to show u all these care n concern.. i wanna be able to support u.. i wanna be here for u.. i wanna be the person u will turn to. honey.. i wanna be the woman behind u..
and i said it.. i told u eventually my thoughts when i wanna treat u.. really, i just want to spend time with you.. but worried that u will spend too much or u might not wanna spend so much.. and seriously, i just simply wanna spend time with u.. and maybe in a certain way, when i give u a little snack, i think there is a small selfish part that hopes that my honey will think of me when he eat tt piece of choc, or drink that bottle.
let me be your gf.. let me stay right beside u.. let me continue loving u..
giving u things is just a way of me showing love to u.. everything this i do, is out of sincerity towards u.. everything that i do, be it buying things, be it drawing u sth, be it wanting to meet u, its all cos i wanna be there for u, or its cos i miss u, and the bottom line is, i love u. all the while i trust that u know n understands that i really do love u.. i know u nv doubt this even till now.. but honestly, if our love for each other is so so strong.. which is a reflection of how much pain we are in now.. reconsider ok? i somehow trust that our love for each other is really very strong.. not just any other r/s like others.. we are so damn serious and the love is etched deeply inside.. dont compare us to any other "did not make it" pairs.. we are different.. our lives are tightly joined together, as we connect with each other in every way.
seriously no idea why when i take bus/train and walking home i get especially emo.. or maybe its not bus its just at tt instant.. while i wait for bus 27 i felt especially sad, tears fall.. sighs. day in day out, it still happens, how not to feel sian everyday, tired everyday.. every morning still wake up feeling giddy.. nv fails..
and i still dream at night.. sometimes more than 1 dream.. and many atimes ure involved in my dreams.. sometimes i forgot about it later in the day, but more often than not the dreams make me sad so its good i forget them.
honey, i know u know, and really, im in the mode of this is a period that we needa get through and we will get through.. so im still thinking that after some time we are gg to get back together.. honestly, this is what i feel. whether or not this is me being foolishly naive i dunno.. but i really believe so.. and i look into our future in this way.. i just think that my honey will not, simply will not bear to leave me, simply will not bear to see me break down. and my honey loves me so so much that he will not want to leave me he will not wanna see me cry. i just believe in this.. i believe that at the end of the day my honey will want me back in his arms.. and give me all the comfort cos he just dotes on me so much. must let this happen ok honey....
a little test from fb.. a little truth in it..
You've got
Bleeding Heart
Your heart bleeds for one person, you yearn for their heart's embrace and to feel them love you as you love them. You may keep it hidden to protect yourself from harm but the need for them never lessens only grows with every glance and touch.
after i showered just now, my ahma was watching the channel u show rooftop prince. it was a scene of the male and female lead, saying the marriage vows to each other.. but cos the guy is from the past and his time is up and he is gonna to disappear n go back to the past, so the scene was after the vow was said, the guy just slowly, slowly disappear right in front of the girl's eyes..
u know as i watch that part.. my tears just flow like the tap.. no sound, no nth, just tears that keep rolling down.. cos there are times where i feel this way.. i feel as though as u will slowly disappear in front of my eyes.. and that feeling is just too painful and terrible. i fear. i really fear.. and this is when i have to tell myself that no u said u wont disappear, u said u will be here. even thou these are not promises, but u said all these to me.. n based on u, u wont bear to just disappear like that.. u wont bear to let my heart die this way.. and let me go into depression.
u know how i feel. i also know how u feel. cos i mean u r the person i love and loves me back so i feel that i know.. i feel that u still care super alot for me.. even with all that coldness towards me when u see me.. i duno.. but when i think that or when i see that there is a high chance for us to get back together. i kinda really hope that u see the same way as i do.. and i really hope that u will show some signs of it.. honey.. please dont tell me that u think that it is near impossible for us.. please.. i cant handle that. a girl that needs ur texts daily, needs a hug from u weekly, is someone who really needs u dearly.. 如果你真心想让我开心，就不要离开我。and i also need u to find back that happiness i can provide u with.. please tell me, even up till now, i m still capable to touch ur heart, still capable to warm ur heart, still capable to make u smile..
do u know? you are the first priority in my life.. you will take position one. many say when there's a child, child will override husband.. but no.. you will still be the number 1 in my life. in every circumstances. now and forever.. i think, at the very least i was the number 1 in your life.. for now, i assume and just trust that i am still the number 1 in your life.. i duno if i can continue to be the number 1 in your life.. but regardless of whether im your number in the future, you will be my number 1.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
