it's 20th today...
happy 20th honey..
i know i wont hear that from you.. i wont see u texting that to me.. i wont receive a letter from you.. i know this and expect this... but there is just this part of me.. that really really still hope to hear "happy 20th" from you..
the entire week, i was looking forward to today.. went by the entire wk, and got 1 hour of a time spent together with you. appreciate that, and i really hope i can spend more time with you after exams.. i know im greedy.. but can i have more than just one hour per week when u r freer?
honey, u know sth, i duno if its me being oversensitive, but it seems like u are scared that u will touch me.. like i duno.. when we walk side by side and if our hands knock into each other u will really go far away. heart kinda sank....
today u still didnt have much to say to me.. other than answering afew of my questions.. honey, u dont wanna know about anything? u dont wanna know how im doing at work? i know i 一厢情愿 and tell u.. haiz... when will u start to wanna talk more to me?
honey, its 20th today.. i take that spending 1hr to have dinner with me is your gentleness towards me.
honey, i think u also know that before i leave i will hug u.. and today, im actually glad that i could feel ur arms behind me..
i gave u the letter still, i really hope u open it up and read it. really really hope so.
gave u the welfare pack cos i truly wanted to, and honestly, i would have given it to u regardless of situation. drawing for u, preparing food for u is a form of happiness. please accept my care and concern for u. i said before, just let me stay beside u.. please..
when u say thank you to me, i think u really appreciate me.. but when u say dont do this next time, i m actually heartbroken. i duno isit cos u just dont want me to be nice to u cos u will be guilty, cos u wanna leave me, cos u wanna draw a line btw us.. or isit cos u just dont want me to spend money.. honey.. please, dont draw a clear line btw us.. honey, i know u arent, or at least u didnt, or havent. cos at least u still text me and still let me hug u awhile. please dont, dont do it now, dont ever do it.
honey, because its 20th, honestly, im emotional. during the train back just now i was heartbroken. when i hug u, duno if u saw or felt that tears are gonna well up soon. honey, after ur exams, can u please give me a longer hug..?
when i reach home, the song 幸福不难 is playing, that song really just makes me tear..
"Once my heart and mind have decided to love just one person forever, it takes forever to take it back."
---------------------------
I read this article on the way back home.. title [
A Message To My New Boyfriend’s Ex, Who Can’t Seem To Get Over Him]
Hi, I’m the new girl and I have a few things to say to you. Yes, I know you’ve seen the pictures of us on Facebook and your friends have gossiped about how cute we are. I know you messaged him the other day with another attempt to manipulate him into coming to your aid once again. I know you pretended to need him. I know you asked him if he took me to the beach you two went to together. I know you wanted to get a rise out of him and see if those feelings were still there. I know you’re starting to see that it’s different with me — unlike the few other girls he dabbled with dating after you. I know you now see that he’s not taking the chance of messing things up with me.
When you ask yourself over and over why he stopped replying and why he asked you to respect our relationship part of you is crying on the inside. I know it’s hard to watch what used to be slip so far away. But I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m happy with him and he’s happy with me.
I know how it feels to be in your shoes. I know what it’s like to see the guy you love move on with someone else. This is just simply apart of life. I am not controlling him, he is with me by choice, he choose me. I am not your enemy; I’m simply a girl who happens to fit a little bit better with your ex at this point in life.
When he holds me I feel safe for the first time in a long time. When I cry he promises I’m all he wants and makes me feel so safe. He makes me laugh without trying and when I glance over at him while he’s standing on the other side of the room I picture our future together. In a way I never have before. I really do love him; do not dehumanize me. Please don’t make me into something I am not because I’m just a girl in love—like you were and like you will be.
If you still love him, like you say you do, then you need to let him go. Allow him to be happy with me—because we were both broken and together we found a way to mend each other. Don’t think he’s forgotten all about you. He is the man he is today partly because of you. I thank you and I respect you.
Honey, honestly, as i read i cried, my tears just fell.. i really dont think i can take it if this were to happen to me in the future. i know im very selfish.. love u so much, yet cant let u go. love u so much, yet i hope that im the one givin u happiness. honey, sorry i cant help it.. i really wanna be with you. i know even if its gonna hurt to love you, i wont stop loving you.
happy 20th honey. i love you.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
