its only tuesday today..

i duno whats wrong with me too.. im very tired after sch..

and my emotions is like taking a roller coaster ride... just ytd and on sun, i was feeling better cos i thought that maybe things are getting better for us.. cos u still did alot of things for me.. and is willing to accompany me.. well now i still feel this way.. cos u still willing to meet up with me and text me.. but...

today the journey back home was torturous.. i felt so upset.. even up till this instant. and i couldnt take it again.. hard time fighting those tears back... but they still fell..

it seems that everything that is happening now is cos i really need u.. but perhaps u dont really need me.. perhaps u are happier without me.. u rather be alone than be with me.. u once said that increasingly u feel this way.. and when i think of this, i just cant stop those tears.. what if u really just dont need me anymore? what if u really just rather choose to be alone than choose to be with me? what if u never wanna be ard me agn? what if u are just happy alone.. and dont want me to be in your life? what if thats what ure gg to tell me next time? honey, my heart is aching alot suddenly agn.. im breaking down again tonight.. why? why is this happening once again.? why is all that fear coming back to me again..?

Honey, do u have the slightest bit of wanting to spend time with me? do you still actually hurts when u see me cry and wanna pull me close to u to comfort me? even though i truly believe u still love me and cares alot for me.. i believe that whatever u are doing now is more than just being guilty towards me.. but, im really afraid, that u wont be able to want me as much as u wanted me before.. im really afraid.. my tears is now filled with lotsa fear.. lotsa pain.. i cant tell u all these.. i cant even ask u what do u feel now cos u dont wanna engage in this kinda convo anymore.. in times like this, i feel so alone.. i feel like i cant do take it anymore.. i feel so lost...

there are many things to be done tonight/tmr.. but now suddenly i lost all mood to do so..

tonight is not a good night.. tonight, i need your jacket once agn... last night i managed it just with snoopy.. but tonight.. i cant agn.. it has been awhile since i teared so much again.. i made it through the past few days with minimal tears.. even thou i was upset, i somehow managed to swallow those tears in... but since after sch till now, i duno why, i have been tearing and tearing.. what should i do?

i duno when will ur text to me come with a emoticon.. i duno when will u smile at me.. i duno when will u start to share ur life with me.. now, most of the time u just answer whatever i ask u.. and u dont really ask me any qn.. im the one telling u things.. i duno isit cos it really doesnt matter to u anymore? or u just dont even wanna know? or its cos now u dont have the mood to ask..? honey, this uncertainty is killing me.. this fear is eating me up.. how? how? im so scared.

in front of everyone, i needa put up a mask..
in front of u, i really dont want to.. i actually really wanna just show u how upset i am, or how happy i am... but, can i still tell u that in times like this, that im feeling really terrible? :'(
you dont share ur inner feelings with me now.. i really hope u will slowly do so..

im in a super vulnerable position now.. im totally gone.. totally not in control.. anytime, i will just breakdown like tonight..

honey, please work hard for my sake.. please work hard to get back that want to be with me again.. please dont give up.. please continue that love, that care for me.. waiting, waiting so hard for the day u would hug me.. :'(

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