My dear honey, do u know that whenever u post sth on social media like fb of us, im overwhelmed with joy?
i really am very happy to see that whenever u did so in the past. cos u arent a someone who will be posting such things often.. and the fact u post about us, it means sth.. and i really love it..

and now, i really cant wait for that to happen again..

whenever i see u posting on any other things.. i just think of this.. i get envious somehow.. not in the bitter sense thou..

but then again, it doesnt matter to me if u will ever post sth about us again.. as long as ure right beside me, nth else matters. when its btw us, and ure just ever ready to give me a hug, to dote on me the way u have always been, thats enough.. i know it's so much to ask from u right now..

it doesnt make sense that i say just let me be yours... even if ure not mine.. actually, it hurts alot... but i lost all logic or being rational. ure so impt to me that as long as u allow me to be beside u, nth else matters.

my dear honey, now, u dont see my tears.. or at least i try my best to avoid that.. but if u do see it, or feel my pain, just give me a hug.. and tell me, "别怕，我在“  just these 4 simple words, u wont imagine how these 4 simple words, will comfort my dying soul.

frankly speaking, i have no idea how can i give u comfort.. im genuinely being nice to you because i want to, because thats how i will be to u even if nth happen.. not doing it to salvage cos i duno what i can do, so im doing whatever that i would have done. dont mistaken it as im going an extra mile for u cos of what happen. even if i m nice to u, its cos i really wanna be nice. i told u, i will always be here to support u. and i really mean it.. ur exams are nearing, i really hope that u can attain what u wish for. i really wanna be here for u if u feel stress. but i duno if i still have a place to be here for u anymore.. honey, after exams, will u pls try to be happier with me? will u pls try to find back your smile with me? will u pls try to somehow or rather, want me back?

for the longest time, this is possibly gonna be the longest time, that i will be in a depressed state. if i dont hug u, i know u wont hug me. cos u will think its inappropriate for u to do that to me. but sometimes, 可不可以，只用心去感受呢？

当你想想未来，请你也想想我是否在你的未来里。
也想一想，倒底什么对我们最好。
我真的不希望，我们是痛苦的。我真的很希望，我们是一起幸福的。但如果只能二选一，我希望你是那个幸福的。虽然我不知道自己该怎么办，也不知道，如果我痛苦着，你又如何真正快乐。我害怕，你永远接受不了我，我永远放不下你。我们会一辈子这样下去。我要和你一辈子，但不是这样。我要的是你快乐的和我一辈子。如果你可以找回和我一起的快乐，我也会快乐。那我们就一定会幸福的。

as i say all these, all about love. im also thinking, will u be thinking im in my own fairytale again. will u be so frustrated again. honey, hope ure not thinking this way.. cos please dont step on my true feelings for you. please dont hurt me any further. please dont bear to part with me. please continue to love me.

it makes me really upset cos i cant do anything.. i cant make u feel better. which makes me selfish. even though its a fact u hurt me already.. and i know that continue to love u this way will mean that im making myself more vulnerable to your possible hurt.. yet, even till now, i still trust that eventually u wont hurt me.. i still put in such strong faith that eventually, my honey, the one i love so dearly, will not bear to forsake me. please dont disappoint me honey.. i hope im not a disappointment to you. i hope that even till now, somehow, somewhere in your heart will still tell u that this girl here is worth your love.. somewhere somehow, a part of you will tell u, dont forsake this girl, dont hurt this girl.
as much as im thinking of myself.. i really really do care alot of u.. even though its hard to believe cos of my selfish love. i really do.

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