and so when i was otw home, thats when i checked my phone for ur text. and i was rather upset over that. your cold texts makes me sad. u asking me to go shop when i have the time makes me sad. seems like u just want me to go settle this myself. and u dont wish to have anything to do with it. sad but still thickskin ask u. haiz.. ur coldness makes me really upset. i can tell u all about what i feel about posting.. and u wont have any comments on it.. sometimes it makes me feel that u just hear hear only.. u hear without feeling anything.. it seems like u arent bothered about anything to do with me. it seems like u arent concern about me anymore... the way u communicate with me.. or rather the way u respond to me cos sometimes it really feels that u arent communicating with me.. our communication feels like its just one way from me to u. its really very upsetting. why isit that u have nothing to say to me.. why isit that even when i tell u my stuff u dont feel or have anything to say. why isit that whatever happens in my life now seems like its none of your business and that u dont wish to care at all? it really breaks my heart with all these feelings. its like you are becoming my 最熟悉的陌生人. and i really dont want it. the person who knows me best, the person whom i trust and love so much, doesnt even have anything to say to me.. doesnt even wanna say much to me.. sometimes i feel so out of ur life now.. u know that feeling is really terrible.. sometimes i dont even know if im still part of u.. not that u dont love me, not that u dont think of me.. just that, maybe u just dont want me to be involve in ur life anymore. if u had a choice, u would rather not text me, not see me, and just get me out of ur sight. this whole idea just tear me apart like crazy. cos honestly, i no longer feel needed by u anymore.. i no longer feel wanted by u anymore.. sometimes i feel that im just extra. i feel that im no longer important. i feel that, i just a pathetic person clinging on to u when u dont even want me. sometimes i still feel abandon u know.. i mean it is not the right word cos u didnt abandon me and ure still here but cant help but feel not wanted. and it hurts so so much.. 

despite all these, i have to remind myself that u still meet me. u still allow me to hug u. u still say good morning/afternoon/night to me. you still show that u care for me. or even at times when u dont i know u actually do... and the probably one reason why i can still endure all these pain is because i know u still love me and care for me. 

and so, even if it hurts so much. even if my life is in a entire mess now cos of u. even though loving you has become such a painful thing. i still will continue loving you, still will continue trying to make things work. i will keep that hope. i will endure all these pain, as long as ure still by my side. 

this is probably the limit to the pain i can endure. dont push me any further. 

is this the limit for u? is this amount of care for me from u the limit u can go? 

tonight, is probably one emo night. tmr morning is prob a heavy headed one cos im already feeling it now. with more to come regularly. but its something i wont ever get used to. honey, hope u are really well. hope that despite me this pest clinging on to u, u are still doing well. yes.. sometimes i really think im just like a pest now. i dont think u will think of me this way. and i hope im right. honey, i know i cant heal u. i hope somehow u will be healed. and then, u can come and heal me. and u can heal me, just simply by being with me. u can heal me, simply by giving me a loving smile and hug. the best present u can ever give me, is yourself.