tmr is like the official start...
duno if im just too tired, or im just too numb.. i just dont feel anything right now. just empty. blank.
dont really know what to do tmr. but i just cant wait for sch to end.

seniors camp came and gone. i guess i was nv the type which was very suitable for such camps. feeling old amongst the ppl. being there really makes me feel like a student n not a working adult now. it feels good to be a student but well im not. for this final time, final experience. in another months time, i guess i will have to officially end all student related activities, and come to terms that im no longer a student.

Honey, it has always been the case for us that we dont communicate much in such a situation like this.. and im honestly ok with it.. i duno how u felt when u saw me but yea.. just that i was a little, a little "disappointed?" or i duno what kind of feeling that was when i knew u left without me or u left without even coming to me to tell me. probably at least u told me through text and not just left like that. but then again i think u arent so bad to me that u wont even say a thing la. but i reckoned that actually u are also very very tired and its really better that u can get more rest. plus the way home isnt of the same route at all today.. and i reminded myself that im seeing u next wk. and the fact u responded quite quickly to me was really good le. so i dont feel too bad afterall.. but i really hope that for actual camp, it could be like last year.. u would still come say hi to me at the end.. we could still take a picture together.. and i can still wait for u to go back together.. sorry im still expecting.. but if this is all im expecting, its not too much right..?

sometimes, i start to lose confidence of myself, of how u feel towards me.. and when that happens, it can make me feel really down. i believe, that im not just a friend. yea.. even thou sometimes it seems bleak.. sometimes my future seems so bleak.. i duno isit cos im just refusing to accept, im still hanging on very strongly to the believe that one day, u will xin ruan. one day, u will embrace me and love me with no hesitation. one day u will tell me u will never ever let me go again. i really duno why i can keep this believe in my heart so strongly. but i really do. i really hope i wont be disappointed, i wont be broken, i will one day be able to smile again. i really hope, one day i can give u happiness too.

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