friday. aad.. i wondered if u would have remember to come and look for me before u left? would u even be bothered when i leave, when i came. would u even come up to me to say hi..? honey, i kno wu care for me.. but sometimes, ur coldness is really too much.. maybe u dont even realise how cold u are to me...
on sat.. if i didnt call u, u also didnt tell me whether u were coming and what time u are coming.. really, have i become such an insignificant person in your life now? as we were looking at the musuems, honestly some of the art pieces made me really upset.. maybe u didnt notice.. but some pricks right in.. and then the worse thing is, u hurt me once again when u could actually tell philip your thoughts about the trees being burnt but not even to me.. even when i asked what did u say u just said nth... really.. do u even know how deeply that hurt me? u cant even talk to me anymore..
your texts to me is really cold. very cold. it is just a few words. and u take forever to reply me... u dont really say anything. when i talk to u face to face. u always either nod or shake head. at most a word or two. u cant even be bother to say abit more to me.. and on sat u walk as though as ure alone. when the light turn green u will cross the road not even bothering to turn back to see if im there.. honey, honey do u even still love me and care for me? i know u do but why isit that your actions just doesnt show it at all? im sure that the amount that u speak to any random friend on whatsapp or face to face at one occasion is far more than what u say to me in a month or two or even more..
honey, why are u doing all these to me? why isit that u can say ure still hurting when u know im hurting like hell but yet u consistently just keep hurting me over and over again...? honey, can u treat me a little better? isit so hard just to talk to me? isit so hard?
many atimes, u said u will do sth when i ask for.. like sending me the photos and timetable.. but i realised, actually, i will have to ask again. if not u wont send to me. honey, will u tell me, that i am actually not that insignificant to u? will u just let me know, that i still mean alot to u?
my lappy had to crash and all my recovered photos are all in a mess.. and i have to sort them out.. i see all the past photos we took together.. i miss u... i really miss u.
but honey, for the past few months, have u ever, just for a moment, miss me?
or am i just slowly slowly fading away...?
if u really love me, if u really hurt when i get hurt, then will u, stop hurting me..? am i so bad that im so difficult to live with? am i so bad that i dont deserve to have u?
have lost my genuine happiness for months... will i ever get it back again?
i dont know what else i can do to keep my sanity, other than keep waiting for you my dear. as long as i bite on and press on now in this heartbreak, will i be rewarded with happiness in the future? honey, one day, will u tell me, that u have never stopped loving me all these while, and that u will continue to love me forever? im waiting for that day to come.. waiting and waiting.. heart just breaking and breaking.. honey, i need a hug soon... it hurts so much i need a gentle comfort to keep going soon...
and u know, i keep dreaming.. and i also keep dreaming about u...
i dont rmb most of them for long.. but i know its about u..
the most recent one i dreamt that u were repainting your room... and u took down all of our pictures, and anything that would remind u of me.. honestly, i was devastated.
and then i also dreamt that someone, maybe ahma went to pray for me.. and they went to see my future and then my future was stated to be bleak.. and it says that i wont have happiness in my future. honey, i am once again devastated. but dreams and reality are not the same right? i hope, i hope that u will once again hold me in your arms, because u want to. i hope that u will once again kiss me because u wanna show me how much u love me. i hope, i wouldnt need to be tearing over and over again, because i miss u so much and because im so afraid of losing u.
It's always ♀ ♡ ♂ Never ♂ ♡ ♀; if only...
