happy 20th honey... once again..

20th, a day that will be held dearly... and for now, sometimes an emotional day..

i know u avoided my questions.. these 2 days the late msges.. hmm i shall not ask..

i was busy in sch.. i decided i will wait for ur reply.. unless u dont even when i leave sch then i will text u again.. cos i knew i was leaving late.. and so i only saw ur reply when i left.. i was.. kinda hurt cos from the way u said it.. it meant that u will most likely reject me for whatever i propose.. maybe, just maybe, once in awhile when u jut suddenly  feel for me.. feel that perhaps this girl here is worth to spend alittle more time and provide some comfort.. maybe u might agree.. but other than that, u said i will be disappointed.. honey, no matter what, it hurts.

why? why cant u be happy with me? why can't i make u happy? why isit that it is so difficult to smile at me? why isit that u cant even treat me like how u treat ur friends and be happy and tease me and be comfortable with me? why isit that u cant even talk properly to me? why isit that u have to break my heart this way? why why why? i know there is no way i can get an answer.. i dont know if what i need is really the answer.. but i cannot understand how can u just change like that? i dont know why u can bear to hurt me this way? i dont know why despite all, u chose to give up on our r/s, u chose to hurt me, u chose a life without me? there's just so many things i 'hate' about this entire episode..

but yet, i cant hate u.. i dont blame u, yet i still only love u. u make me hurt so much now, i know if i didnt start with u i wont be hurting now like this.. but yet i dont regret it cos those memories meant so much to me. honey, u can never feel this pain.. even if u understand it. u broke my heart.. and only u can mend it.. u broke your promise to me.. only u can make me regain trust in promises..

i know u dont want to give me false hopes.. but really, sometimes, just be a little nicer to me, just a little smile, a small action, a little hug, an invitation for a meal, sharing with me just a little bit more of yourself.. showing me that in your heart i still meant sth to u.. can u imagine how much that will make me happier? do u know how that will stop my tears from flowing? yes i believe i trust, i put faith in us to give me strength to move on.. but time and again i do get tired. i get burned out.. i get drained from all these emotional torture.. i know u are strong.. i know u are ok.. i know u can lead on a good life without me.. i know up till this point, u stand firm in your believe that u made the right decision and that u have no regrets.. but honey, take pity on me.. if u still feel sth for me.. show a little.. i would appreciate it alot.. alot.. i wont expect this often.. normally, whatever that u do im appreciative.. all concerns i still feel it.. i know u wont leave me in the lurch.. thank you.. just let me.. continue loving u.. please dont take away this from me.. dont reject my concerns for u..

time to stop. 20th. an emo day. 20th. will u once again become a happy day..?

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