Why Isit that u chose not to reply me and ignore me the whole of today? 其实我很怕，我很担心... 求求你，不要把我推开... 告诉我，没事的... I'm really scared and worried. I can feel it getting stronger inside as the hours past into the night.. I know u have seen my texts, but u aren't replying me.. 我的担心，你能体会吗？

明天，希望你可以让我放心...

你宁可跟别人聊天，也不肯更我聊.. 连回复都... 这些痛，我都可以忍.. 可是，拍拖，不要不理我... 我会疯掉的... Read more »

Went to your place for visiting last night... I'm grateful to be able to be there. Even though we hardly interact, I was glad u came out to ask me to join u. My presence was still felt by U. I was also glad that u allowed me to stay back to help your family in clearing things up. It made me felt a sense of belonging. I miss being able to be in your room. Last night I wasn't able to spend some time there. Just simply spending some time there, even if it's just lying down there for awhile. I really wish for it.. One day, will u allow me to? Honestly I'm happy to see that beside your bed, those pics are still on the wall.

But honestly, last night I was still emotional when I was there. I felt like I'm part of the family. But at the same time it saddens me so much that in fact I'm just a nobody. Someone whom u won't even be able to hold me tight when I need u. I wanna visit u more often. I wanna be part of your family. I wanna be able to do sth for them too. U may not want me as part of your family, but I am a human with feelings too. 6 years, isn't just with u. I sincerely care for your family too. Can u understand me?

I know my family cares a lot for me. They are afraid that I may get hurt. They want us to be good cos they want me to be happy. They ask me to protect myself and make sure I'm ok cos they care for me. I know. But how am I going to say, actually im so hurt now, but yet I can't let u go.. But yet I m pinning on to the hope and trust and faith that u won't bear to leave me totally. That we may still have a chance in the future as long as I hold on now. I know for sure they won't support my decision. But, I still don't want to give up on us. I still still envision a future with u. Even though I really get dejected and depressed at times. Everytime I'm hurt over and over again when u are cold, when u smile at others and show ur appreciation for other's more than anything I do. But I just can't help but continue hanging on. If loving u is not enough, what can I do?

Do I not deserve a chance for u to have a good fight n make things work? If i m diagnosed with a major illness, will u be afraid to lose me? 真的不要我了吗？虽然我不恨你，你知道吗，你真的伤我很深... 可是，可以让我痊愈的，也是你... 我真的希望，在你心里，我还是一个值得你爱的人.. 也希望，你会一直爱我.. 更希望，你会再次牵起我的手，告诉我，你永远不会离开我..

I know we are both under some level of emotional distress. How long can I last? I think I will last very long. Cos if I dont, I probably have gone bonkas or sth really really serious and terrible happen to me. How long can u last? I really don't know. Although I keep faith that u won't be so cruel n heartless towards me, I'm also shaking up inside for u can't promise me that afterall.

It's the first day of cny today...

Festive seasons are joyous.. But now festive season is quite a mixed feelings...

While I 跟ahma拜年 earlier today... She wish me goodness in health work and love. She said 快点找个高归宿.. When I heard it my heart broke.. Last year I would feel happy. But now, I know that she's really hoping to see me get married and have a child while she is still around. But I may just disappoint her.

我的命，倒底是什么？我还有机会得到幸福吗？

Honey, u may not be the only that make me smile, u may not be my sole source of happiness, but without u, its just too difficult to be happy. we have been through so much. It's impossible to put this down.
我好希望，在你心里，你还是爱着我，想要我.

My text says "enjoy your reunion dinner with you family"
My heart says "I wanna be part of your family"

Do you know that's what my heart says?

Really hope that one day, u will hold my hand once again, and tell me u won't leave me again.

When I say u with the flowers. I was touched. U didn't give it to me, maybe cos u didn't know how to. I didn't ask. Cos i know u will give me when I give u yours. When the time is right. U can never imagine how much I treasure it. I Treasure the flowers not cos of the flowers, but cos u chose to give it to me. I treasure your gesture. I treasure your efforts. I treasure that u chose to display your feelings for me. It was a diff vday. But nonetheless a treasured one cos u are beside me. And I still look forward to a day where u will want me again. Because u truly know that there's no one else I would love other than u.. And hopefully, there's no one else u would love other than me.
I'm sure we are learn n grow through this, and our rs will be stronger than ever.
Maybe u will think I'm too naive. But I still believe that u won't bear to hurt me further. And that actually u still love me deeply. And one day, u will come back to me.

I will wait for u.. And make all the sufferings now all worth it.

Do u know something...? All along I know u don't want ppl to give u things... But when ppl do, u will still always be very appreciative about it.. And sincerity thank them for the thought...

Even though I know that u appreciate it when I give u a little something from time to time, but your response when u get from me and your other friends or colleagues can be so different. U are happy and appreciative when u receive theirs.. Enough to make u wanna put it on instag to thank them with a happy face. But when it's me, I know u appreciate it a lot as well.. But it seems that u aren't happy. And it hurts me so much u know. I'm not bothered about the instag at all, I'm only bothered about how others can make u happy but I cant. I hurts me so badly.

Your simple concern to ask me to see a doctor comforts me. When u say don't come for session if I don't get enough rest shows me ur care. All these little things I see feel it. My msg to u today, I really hope that u don't think that I just simple being naive in thinking that if we are willing to accept each other good and bad we will make it. Its a matter of faith in each other.

Actually I really duno what happen this year.... I'm seriously drowning in work and in personal life. I don't even know how long I can take this both physically and mentally. I get tired so easily. I am really drained sometimes... n u have chose to hide your support n concern in your heart n not displaying them much to me.. I probably get alot toe crazy trying to pick up any small signals that could be U ceded as a caring act.. Just to give myself more energy...

I put in so much effort in us in work, please don't let it be in vain.. We must cross this hurdle togehter.. I know somehow or rather the combination of us n work is building up a lot of stress in me... It builds up but doesn't get release. I really hope that I will keep it in check.. N u won't have to wait till sometime bad happens before you reconsider us... N hope that u won't hurt me deeper n leave me with no hope. My wound now is alr very deep, any deeper, it would Prob be dead, figuratively. But leading a life with a dead heart is worse than anything else. I have no intention to purposely make u guilty. But this is the truth. If u want to be guilt free, I can put up an act for u in the future. But, please please don't let that happen. I willing to exchange anything for us. Even if it means shortening my lifespan or giving up on other things. Lao tian ye, grant me this one wish, n I will willingly do anything. Please let me take my sufferings in other forms.

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