Went to your place for visiting last night... I'm grateful to be able to be there. Even though we hardly interact, I was glad u came out to ask me to join u. My presence was still felt by U. I was also glad that u allowed me to stay back to help your family in clearing things up. It made me felt a sense of belonging. I miss being able to be in your room. Last night I wasn't able to spend some time there. Just simply spending some time there, even if it's just lying down there for awhile. I really wish for it.. One day, will u allow me to? Honestly I'm happy to see that beside your bed, those pics are still on the wall.

But honestly, last night I was still emotional when I was there. I felt like I'm part of the family. But at the same time it saddens me so much that in fact I'm just a nobody. Someone whom u won't even be able to hold me tight when I need u. I wanna visit u more often. I wanna be part of your family. I wanna be able to do sth for them too. U may not want me as part of your family, but I am a human with feelings too. 6 years, isn't just with u. I sincerely care for your family too. Can u understand me?

I know my family cares a lot for me. They are afraid that I may get hurt. They want us to be good cos they want me to be happy. They ask me to protect myself and make sure I'm ok cos they care for me. I know. But how am I going to say, actually im so hurt now, but yet I can't let u go.. But yet I m pinning on to the hope and trust and faith that u won't bear to leave me totally. That we may still have a chance in the future as long as I hold on now. I know for sure they won't support my decision. But, I still don't want to give up on us. I still still envision a future with u. Even though I really get dejected and depressed at times. Everytime I'm hurt over and over again when u are cold, when u smile at others and show ur appreciation for other's more than anything I do. But I just can't help but continue hanging on. If loving u is not enough, what can I do?

Do I not deserve a chance for u to have a good fight n make things work? If i m diagnosed with a major illness, will u be afraid to lose me? 真的不要我了吗？虽然我不恨你，你知道吗，你真的伤我很深... 可是，可以让我痊愈的，也是你... 我真的希望，在你心里，我还是一个值得你爱的人.. 也希望，你会一直爱我.. 更希望，你会再次牵起我的手，告诉我，你永远不会离开我..

I know we are both under some level of emotional distress. How long can I last? I think I will last very long. Cos if I dont, I probably have gone bonkas or sth really really serious and terrible happen to me. How long can u last? I really don't know. Although I keep faith that u won't be so cruel n heartless towards me, I'm also shaking up inside for u can't promise me that afterall.

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