Last night I met up with Wee Teng, my primary 1/2 best friend. It was so comfortable talk about abything and everythin with her. She shared and updated me freely. And I too, felt comfortable enough to share with her my own heartbreak. As I recount, it still hurts me. But due to the environment I guess I was able to keep my emotions in check. Painful it may be but no I won't cry. Although there are times im holding back tears but well at least I did it. As I said I saw tears welling up in her eyes.. And those moments make me struggle to not tear. I guess perhaps she could relate to me. She could feel the pain. She has suffered her own relationships hurt too. Such a smart and strong girl like her also fell badly before. Bad enough that she suffered anxiety disorder and depression. Maybe I'm really glad that I didn't fall into that.

Perhaps that's why my friends and your friends will have a different stand to my choice now. Your friends will regard this choice of me waiting to be a very selfish one. On the other hand my friends would still support me in this decision because they know that even thou this is not the best rational choice, they understand that the brain and heart doesn't go together. They understand that I know the consequences of this choice but still chose it because it's the best choice out of what's available now.

I thank u for not blaming my selfishness.

But perhaps, none of us are selfish. Are both of us are selfish.
Because we genuinely care for each other, because we seriously love each other. Because it means a lot to us.

I know u have closed yourself to me. The only way for us to work is for u to open yourself up to me again. The ball is in your court and there's nth I can do. Unless u make the choice of accepting me again. I know the chance is slim. But I don't wanna give up..

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